c'MON!

"I've made a huge mistake..." Careful readers will note that I am riding a Segway Human Transporter (pronounced "segue human transporter") in this photo. This is because, while in Belgrade, Chris and I rode on Segway Human Transporters, and it was, not to put too fine a point on it, AWESOME!! Mine was red, Chris' was yellow, and beyond that words fail me in describing just how awesome it was. Use of the verb "Bolton" would not be inappropriate here...

In addition to RIDING AROUND BELGRADE ON SEGWAYS (!!!) we were taken out for drinks by the head of the Serbian National Segway dealership, a man who can and will be fairly described as Mr Segway [Serbia]. A Segway Human Trnasporter can spin around while standing still, using the magic of gyroscopes. Mr Segway [Serbia] possesses a Mark II Segway Human Transporter, which exceeds the awesomeness of the (red) Mark I Segway Human Tranposrter I rode. I am saving up for a Mark II Segway Human Transporter. Mr Segway [Serbia] had not heard of Arrested Development, or Gob Bluth, but by the end of our tour we were able to teach him how to yell "c'MON" like Jamie after a couple of drinks while I am trying to sleep. He has promised to look for the DVDs... At one point Mr Segway [Serbia] took photos of Christina and me in front of naked men "wrestling" with horses outside Serbian parliament while Chris and I were on our (red and yellow) Segway Human Transporters.

[Mr Segway [Serbia] and his delightful girlfriend Jelena, who had just sat her FINAL university exam ever, and who both chauffered us around Belgrade until 2 am on our last night - Thank you!]

There were also periods during our time in Belgrade where we did not have Segway human transporters and were not being chauffered around by Mr Segway [Serbia] and his girlfriend. While these times were occasionally fun they pale into insignificance in comparison to you-know-what (RIDING AROUND BELGRADE ON SEGWAYS!!). Still, Belgrade is a surprisingly pretty and laid back city, following the Eastern European pattern of a heavily meat-intensive cuisine and plenty of attractive old buildings scattered seemingly at random around the city-centre.

We can particularly recommend the Nicola Tesla museum, which satisfied the necessary and sufficient conditions for retaining Chris's interest - namely the presence giant purple lightning. According to the (fiercly nationalistic) biography, Nicola Tesla created the 21st century (which makes Al Gore look comparatively restrained) and was strongly opposed to the (then hypothetical) independence of Kosovo. But mainly, it was about the purple lightning.

Second on our list of surprisingly enjoyable musea was the Serbian National Bank Exhibition, which was at the opposite end of the boredom scale from where its name suggests. It featured what I imagine was a significant portion of Serbia's gold reserves, and currency dating from each of Serbia's bouts with hyperinflation, together with a fairly brutal assessment of the various governments' responsibility (I'm not sure if Nicola Tesla would have agreed). Each of the nations we've visited so far has recently chopped three or more zeroes off its currency, the sole exception being Bulgaria, and when Bulgaria is at the head of any group to which you belong you know that all is not well (unless that group is number of crimpers per capita).



[The guard at the Serbian Bank exhibition was particularly keen that we take this photograph with the gold - perhaps to prove the existence of Serbia's gold reserves which you would do well to doubt given that Serbia's hyperinflation during 1992-1993 comes in second only to Hungary after WWII]