Turkish Election Snapshot

With election day fast approaching, the eyes of the West turn to Turkey, a nation poised at a delicate fulcrum between East and West, between religion and secularism, between Bulgaria and Thailand. Today, your correspondents take a closer look at the issues which they believe will shape this historic campaign...

1. The Tünel
Questions have been raised as to the continued viability of a "railway" which runs for only 500 meters and which closes at 9 o'clock, right when your correspondents would like to catch it. In addition, suspicion surrounds its claim to being the world's first funicular, and indeed whether there is really any such thing as a "funicular" in the first place... Also, what's with those dots over the "u"?



2. Fraud in the Basilica Cistern
The basilica cistern - Timeless treasure, or governmental greed? What lies beneath the ancient columns and worryingly large-mouthed fish of this world-famous Istanbul site is a story as old as time itself. Hopeful tourists throw their coins into the pool, only to have them later fished out by faceless Cistern employees, and thrown into the government's net - of corruption... Our shocking pictures reveal all...



3. Rampant inflation in strategic cocktail/pony ride sectors
Steep rises in the prices of basic goods such as riding in a horse and carriage and drinking a cocktail made from Turkish sparkling "wine" have lead to fears that Turkey's economy may be overheating. As the prices of mixed drinks in some venues suggested by your correspondents' ridiculously pretentious travel guide reach $25, calls have been made for government action to end rampant profiteering in this sector. Similarly, pony rides, long a key part of Turkish and 9-year-old girl culture, have become so inflated that only the most profligate of correspondents would consider dropping $35 on one, leaving other correspondents without enough money for a decent sized beer, let alone an overpriced cocktail...



4. Key seat - Buyukada
With election-eve upon us, all eyes turn to traditional bellwether Buyukada island, located one hour by ferry from Istanbul, though subjectively much further, particularly when one becomes sea-sick during the short voyage and collapses in front of the ferry toilets. In any case, as goes Buyukada, so goes Turkey as a whole, and the closely fought battle being waged here reflects the struggle faced by the entire nation. In one corner representing one, or perhaps more, of the relevant parties, probably AK (of which we have heard) is Ufuk Uras, a man whose posters proclaim a strong commitment to independent action, and whose reputation as a parliamentary bomb thrower stems from the profane and anatomically impossible tirades he directs at the opposition. Buyukadans, swayed by a man whose very name is also his campaign slogan, appear to be leaning towards his re-election, in a move that will continue your correspondents' amusement deep into the next term.

So as night closes in over a nervous, and increasingly hungry Istanbul, our thoughts turn to the future, and, in particular, to Pide, which we believe is pronounced "pied".

[Update Updated: We were privileged enough to witness the rival campaign rallies featuring the two leading parties and, in a nod to Turkey's fragile relationship with democracy, the police. Based on these observations and the startling volume at which the parties' theme songs were blasted form truck-top speakers, we have concluded that the key political sentiment espoused in Turkey is "I have an earsplittingly loud dream"...]